I can feel it in the air: we are in the pooch days of summer (“dog days” has been taken) and I wake up thinking that students will soon be pounding my door, actually dinging my email box.
Faculty are postings posts so that incoming students can make sense of their erudition. Syllabi have been online for a long time now but students are trying to parse the hidden meaning of phrases like “paper must be submitted by…”
So I am getting anxious — how can I actually do what I said to my various bosses I was going to do and still be sane by October? So it helps me to tell you, my lovely but stress-provoking students, “How to Write a Carey Theological College Paper” so that my anxiety will release some of its grip on my intestines. And you thought you were the only ones to be anxious about academics.
Here are some well-researched ideas on how to be a scholar:
- Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils and a cup of Starbucks.
- Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
- Walk to the kitchen and get some more coffee to help you concentrate.
- Stop off on the way back and visit with somebody — anybody. And talk about pressures until your friend suggests you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend is also a student in the class and shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her.
- When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. Go to the bathroom since you have had too much coffee already.
- Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. Try to intuit the professor’s intent.
For more academic stuff like this, click “How to Write a CTC Paper.”